A little over a year ago after my mother passed away, I sat down and created a space to share my thoughts and writings. This space, actually. In my ambition, I thought: “Surely, I am at the stage in my grieving process where I can begin to write and heal my heart.” Turns out, grief is a tricky thing, and it is not as linear as I once believed.
On July 8, 2015, my mother passed away. Even today when I say this out loud to people, the air goes out of my lungs and there is the sting of tears as I remember the switches being turned off, the audible silence of breaths being held, the unending screech of a flat-line, and the soft, damp patter of the CPAP machine artificially inflating her lungs even though she had already flown away. Then this millisecond memory passes, my breath returns, the tears don’t fall, and with a bittersweet smile, I can say, “My mom passed away. She prayed for God to take away her pain, and He did.”
It’s hard to deny that she’s no longer of this earth, no bargaining to be made, so I’ve spent the better part of the past year and a half between anger, depression, and acceptance. Admittedly, acceptance has been tough. It’s hard accepting that the world just moves on when you know it’s lost something so precious. Yet the sun continues to rise, oceans continue to kiss their many shores, oxygen continues to fill your lungs, you wake up, you go about your day, you go to sleep, and you find that, after awhile, you are moving on, too.
That’s really what this is all about. Moving on. Taking flight. Letting go of the pain and filling myself with purpose. Finding truth and solace in the infinite arrangement of 26 letters. I am still grieving and wrestling with anger and depression, but I accept that this is natural. I accept that, though this will never go away, it will lessen over time. I accept this grief, slightly cracked and antiqued on the edges but beautiful nonetheless, is a part of myself.
A little over a year ago after my mother passed away, I sat down and created a space to share my thoughts and writings. Today, I give true thanks to her memory and take flight.
Unbound 
Beautifully written, Carrie! Your post touched me. More power to you!!
Thank you Bhavana! I’m so glad you were able to find something within my words that touched you.
Oh surely it did 🙂 I am waiting for more posts from you.
Welcome aboard! Thanks for the follow. Such a natural flow to your writing … am Carried with your expressions!
Take care … the loss speaks of the beautiful moments you got to share with your Mom, the Ministry of Magic😉
The magic continues…
Carrie, you’re very brave for taking your emotional pain and converting it into words for others to read. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such a huge loss, I can relate to that type of pain and actually want to include the topic of healing when losing a loved one, in one of my upcoming blogs.
I’m very new to this and just did my introduction today. My plans are to blog about coping with invisible illnesses and diseases as I was born with a rare genetic condition called Ehlers Danlos, I also want to blog on mental health, and the greiving aspect of losing a loved one. I want to turn my negative experiences into something positive for others. I feel as if I can help one person in the world than my goal is accomplished. I still have a lot of learning to do about this blogging life, lol.
I have followed you to check up on your updates. If you would like to check my introduction out please do so at : Expressit2017.wordpress.com
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy your blogging.
-Ashley
Ashley, you are equally as brave for navigating your way through writing about coping with invisible illnesses and diseases. My mom actually passed away due to complications from Crohn’s Disease, so I believe your blogging about turning negative experiences into something positive for others is incredibly relevant and highly needed.
I gave you a follow as well, and I very much look forward to your updates. I am somewhat new to the blogging world as well, so perhaps we can navigate it together.
Thank you so much for your kind words regarding my writing and my Mother. It means the world.
-Carrie
I’m so sorry very sorry you lost your mom due to Crohn’s. It such is a nasty disease!
Thank you so much for the comfort and support. This has really encouraged me to continue doing what I plan to do. I really hope I can help others along the way and make them see that there can be positive aspects of life and you can be happy. Even when you’re struggling daily with physical and emotional pain. No one deserves misery and we all have something to be grateful for.
Thank you so much for your support. I can’t wait to see more of your posts.
-Ashley